Can you sleep train without tears?
The words “sleep consultant” and “sleep training” often form a level of anxiety in people. It is often depicted as hard core, disciplinary, lots of crying and daunting. But it doesn’t need to be like that.
Firstly, we need to understand that all crying isn’t Bad. It’s often hard for Parents to listen to, but there a physiological benefit.
Some of the benefits of crying
- Helps the suck/swallow reflex
- Assists digestion and metabolism
- Reduces constipation
- Aids in the muscle tone for speech
- It’s a way of communicating.
Most new parents think of number 5 first, and assume their baby is crying because they need something from their parents.
Babies cry for 5 main reasons but there are lots of other trivial reasons that make them cry in different situations. Learning to interpret cry sounds, and body language is a key part of parenting (see interpreting baby cries blog). Whereas being led by pitch and volume can make you miss interpret the need for you to intervene.
There are protest cries (differing sounds, moans, gaps in the cry or call out) it can be left alone, for longer. Whereas the distressed cry (repetitive cry sounds, little to no gaps, potential gagging heard) this is where your response id required.
It’s important to observe your baby whilst crying and avoid going out of ear shot, when you are starting a new settling regime. This helps you learn the different cries and know with more confidence when to attend to them.
I want to explain why crying might be necessary for your baby/toddler to learn how to go to sleep and stay asleep for longer. I’m not talking about “Cry it Out” method or “Control Crying” by a clock.
But an article of interest “letting babies cry for a while may benefit both parents and infants“. http://archive.indianexpress.com/news/letting-babies-cry-for-a-while-may-benefit-both-parents-and-infants/1002010/ is something you might want to read.
You may want to teach your child to sleep better over a short period of time-through the “fast & the furious” method or “driving miss daisy” method, that slowly develops results over a longer period of time, either is fine. Every parent needs to feel comfortable and confident with the style of sleep coaching they follow.
Unfortunately, most parents want FAST results but they can become nervous when it all starts and they hear their precious little one cry out! That is a completely normal response as you are emotionally attached and wired to care (that’s a good thing!).
I would never ask a family to do something that I wouldn’t be happy to try on my own children. I have used my sleep techniques on my own two children from a very early age and continued as they grew. They are fabulous sleepers and have been from very young. There have been a few bumps in their sleep patterns over the early years but they were quickly resolved, which has helped me be more sympathetic to the frustrations that sleep is transient.
So the simple answer to; can you sleep train without crying? Is No
Babies are going to cry in life. We just need to get comfortable in knowing how to listen and respond in a way that is going to reduce unnecessary crying. It’s about realising that long-term, it is easier for a baby/toddler to settle without sleep aids or a human chaperone.
How to start sleep training
It starts with the parents being Cool, Calm, Confident and Consistent with a simple set of instructions. When you support each other through the good, the bad and the ugly (of breaking poor sleep habits), the results naturally come quicker.
Newborn Solutions has made a 1.2.3 Settle Strategy for parents to follow. We will determine what solutions are needed through a sequence of questions and observing your child’s current feed-play-sleep behaviours. You will be taught the foundations of what affects baby sleep patterns and learn why what you have tried in the past hasn’t worked.
I often associate the instructions being like a recipe. There is more chance of culinary success when you follow the recipe, right down to the finer details. Sleep coaching is very similar, it’s important everyone is honest and follows the instructions (no short cuts or missing steps).
Whether you are having trouble with day or night sleep, we can help. The first step is inviting us into your home to observe the subtle things that are hindering sleep in your household. This can be done by a face to face consultation or a video link consultation; Media options include; Zoom, FaceTime, Messenger, Skype.
So many parents are shocked with how quickly they get results. Best of all, they end up with consistently improved sleep, rather than a short-term fix.
We work with babies 0 -18 months and siblings up to 5 years.
(Also look up “our philosophy”).
Written by Alison Gregory (Endorsed Midwife & Parenting Educator)