Best time to start
The warmer months means your child is usually wearing less or has less of those zippers, buttons and annoying fasteners to slow you down. You want easy disrobing for the toilet, as soon as they ask or show their “tells” they “need to go”. Summer also helps you cope with the extra washing.
How do you know they are ready; they have a curiosity about watching mum or dad on the loo. They understand or acknowledge something is in their nappy. They hide when it’s time to poo or stand in the bath look down and then wee. Some kids will tell you with words or gestures that need to go to the toilet.
It is helpful if they can pull their own pants up and down, walk with co-ordination, balance in a seated position, and even climb a small ladder (if this is what you are using on your current toilet).
If they are starting daycare and have little toilets perfectly designed for them to mimic their older peers, this is another good place to start.
Thinking about equipment
There are multiple options when it comes to toilet training. You do not have to start with a potty, although some kids find it less scary in comparison to the family toilet (fear of falling in or getting splashed by the water). The household toilet is where they may see older siblings or Mum/Dad go and this brings familiarity. You can also purchase a new toilet seat that has 2 rings, one fitting snuggly inside the other. Many kids love this idea!
You will also need to purchase some pull ups ans/or underpants to wear instead of the nappies. These are less absorbent and helps the child trigger an awareness as they wet themselves. They also prevent the large mess an accidental poo makes.
There are lots of children’s books about toileting “Once upon a potty” “Potty Superhero” “I want my potty” etc that you can read to your child. Remember some of us learn from hearing, seeing and/or doing. Work out what your child likes best.
Toilet timing
Toilet training often starts better with repetition of exposure. Creating set times that you regularly sit them on their potty or family toilet eg first thing in the morning, before naps, before bath/shower. It simply becomes the new norm and one day they will actually relax enough and get the idea you want them to wee or poo in there.
Simultaneous day and night toilet training-short answer is, keep them separated! It is better to start with daytime toilet training and conquer it before even thinking about overnight. Overnight is whole new ball game and increases your risk of wakes overnight with full bed changes.
Liquid consumption
Some books say to dramatically increase their fluid intake so you have more liquid passing through them equalling more chances to catch it. There is no need to amplify the risk of them wetting themselves. Just keep fluid intake to what they normally consume.
Rewards chart
I love a rewards chart and toilet training is a prime example of how rewarding your child for a behaviour will increase their motivation to want to keep trying whilst solidifying their learning. You may want to reward your child with a stamp or sticker for just sitting on their toilet/potty and have a rewards box of wrapped cheap toys for the big day they actually do something in the toilet/potty.
Make sure you praise them for just trying but then this verbal praise drops a notch after a few days until they figure out what the toilet/potty is really for. Try not to make a huge deal if they stand up half way through and make a mess, it is just part of their curiosity and learning.
How to help
Teach your child how to pull their own pants up and down by themselves. Show your child how to wipe their own bottom but know they are likely to need your help with this for the first year or two. If you have a boy, teach him how to wee standing and sitting. Some people use a ping pong ball in the toilet for something fun to aim at. Also get your little boy to gently shake his penis after weeing to remove the excess drips. Talk about flushing and show them how to do it. Complete your toilet activity with washing hands.
Accidents and mishaps
It is common when we are learning anything that we don’t always get it right. Allow your child a realistic timeframe for reducing accidents. Consider how long you are out for and know they need to empty their bladder a lot more frequently than we do. They also can’t hold it as long as we can. So, once they get the urge to go, you only have about 5-15 minutes on average. So, finishing your grocery run in the early days is not feasible or another 20 minutes until you get home in the car is likely to end in a soggy seat. Just keep these things in mind and a potty in the back of the car can be extremely helpful.
Overnight toilet training
Staying dry all night is a big deal. Some kids will naturally do it with very little help from their parents other than reducing fluids before bed. Other kids are still regularly or intermittently wetting the bed even after starting school. It is important not to freak out but also consider seeking external help if this is still occurring after the child turns 7 years.
If you notice your child is dry in the morning or hardly wet, then this is a great sign that they are ready for starting toilet training overnight. There are a number of waterproof bed wetting sheets available eg brolley sheets, reusable Conni bed pads, waterproof guards. These will help in the early months while your little one stretches out how long they can last between accidents at night.
I don’t agree with waking your child in the middle of the night for a dreamy wee as some of the books suggest. However, this is what I do recommend:
- That oral fluids stop 60-90 mins before bed
- They go to the toilet after brushing their teeth (last thing)
- Consider leaving the toilet light on, so they can go in the night (with or without you)
- Talk about staying dry and how they need to get up if they get the urge to wee or poo in the night
- Make a huge fuss of them when they succeed in staying dry all night
- Use a wet guard sheet until they have stayed dry for consecutive 7-9 nights in a row.
Written by Alison Gregory Midwife, Sleep and Lactation Consultant.
Contact Alison Gregory ph: 0415970976
Photo by Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash